Maybe I'm a little biased because I've always been a 'ford guy' but stories like this make me happy:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090311/ap_on_bi_ge/ford_uaw
It seems as though the company that invented the automobile is leading once again. To be able to reach concessions with a union in middle of a recession seems incredible to me. Wages are only $7 per hour higher than our foreign competition. Hopefully that will keep some more jobs right here. Ford is also consolidating plants and converting one to focus more on smaller, more efficient cars.
So far I think this company is doing the right things. I hope they emerge from this mess stronger than ever to bring a little more pride back to 'Made in the USA'.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
This Shit is Sad - Part II
This is not my work. I feel if I keep posting them maybe one person will see it and it will make a difference.
HOW COULD YOU?
When I was a puppy I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" - but then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub.
My housetraining took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed, listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.
Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" - still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.
Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them, especially their touch - because your touch was now so infrequent - and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams. Together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.
There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being your dog to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
Now you have a new career opportunity in another city and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog or cat, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too.
After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you - that you had changed your mind - that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.
When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table, rubbed my ears and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself - a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. With my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not meant for her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever.
May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty
HOW COULD YOU?
When I was a puppy I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" - but then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub.
My housetraining took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed, listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.
Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" - still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.
Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them, especially their touch - because your touch was now so infrequent - and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams. Together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.
There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being your dog to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
Now you have a new career opportunity in another city and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog or cat, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too.
After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you - that you had changed your mind - that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.
When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table, rubbed my ears and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself - a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. With my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not meant for her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever.
May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty
Monday, March 9, 2009
(Another) Sure Sign You Are At A Good Party
As if a passed out mexican wasn't enough of a sign your party is rockin' allow me to present "passed out Indian dude in dog bed"
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Fuck the Amish
Most people are like 'oh neat, Amish'. 'They're so cool and wholesome. I wish I could be like them for little while to escape the rat race!'
Well, you know what, FUCK the Amish. I hate those sons of bitches.
Hey JC, you're just being intolerant of their ass backwards ways. Think so? Let me shed a little light on why I hate the god damned Amish.
1) Puppy Mills: This is mostly where my hatred of the Amish comes from. They treat these animals like livestock only worse. If you want to classify dogs as livestock fine, but treat them better than this:
Well, you know what, FUCK the Amish. I hate those sons of bitches.
Hey JC, you're just being intolerant of their ass backwards ways. Think so? Let me shed a little light on why I hate the god damned Amish.
1) Puppy Mills: This is mostly where my hatred of the Amish comes from. They treat these animals like livestock only worse. If you want to classify dogs as livestock fine, but treat them better than this:
The bastards are heartless. The female dogs will sit in there cages where they are forced to breed until they die. I've seen a dog rehabilitated because it had never touched grass with it's feet and was terrified. Fuckin sick. I got an email that Wayne Pacelle (the head of the Humane Society) was going to be on Oprah last year to expose these puppy mills so I tuned in. It went a little something like this:
This shit needs to stop.
2) Now that I've settled down a little I'll tell you why else I hate these SOBs. Hypocrisy. Oh, the Amish can't use technology or electricity or anything like that. How about you stop roller skating down the middle of the fucking road on your polyurethane roller blades! Pretty sure you didn't make those in your woodshop Eli. And would it kill you to pose for a picture? Retards think the camera's going to steal their souls.
3) Play by our rules. I'm all about separating church and state. Therefore the Amish better start paying all the same shit I have to. Ex: [edit] The Amish gain exemption from social insurance programs in the United States
In 1965 the United States Congress allowed the Amish to be exempt from the Social Security tax, following a persistent resistance campaign from some Amish who regarded insurance programs as mistrustful of God and therefore against their religious teachings.[43] See 26 U.S.C. § 3127 and 26 U.S.C. § 1402(g) (this exemption also covers Medicare taxes).
So I can be exempt from bullshit Social Security because of religion? Sign me right the fuck up.
4) Get over yourselves. Just let it go. You're not being cool by trying to cling to your ass backward ways. You count on stupid fuckin yuppies to continue to buy your shit. Get your lame ass buggies the hell out of the middle of the road. You shelter the hell out of your kids then let them experience real life before they commit to your ways and they always get fucked up.
In conclusion: Pay your shit and if you're going to live your pious life stop jerking me around. Live it already and get the fuck off the roads that our big ass diesel dump trucks built. And stop breeding dogs like chickens (or worse). Got it Ishmael?
I'd love to drop a big bomb filled with playboys and booze right on Lancaster county.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Bye GM
So it seems almost inevitable that GM will either file chapter 11 or just completely go out of business. I can't imagine Obama will give them the $30billion they require to stay afloat.
Bye.
I have no pity for GM. Let's take a look at some of their flagship vehicles shall we:
-Hummer 2 - fuck these overgrown pieces of shit, starting at $50k getting 10mpg to take little Connor to soccer practice
-Escalade - another useless overgrown gas guzzling POS. Wait, they don't cost enough to begin with, better slap some 24s on it
-Corvette - 'vettes are sick and are not meant to be everyday transportation. Corvette, you are excused
-Impala - pretty boring, average to poor mpg, expensive w/ a base price of $25k.
-Malibu - is that an Impala? I can't tell the difference
-Silverado Pickup - starts at $21k for a stripped down 2-wheel drive work truck? I paid slightly more than that for my 4wheel drive long bed w/ auto trans in a DECENT economy. You're not blowing me away by topping out at 21mpg either
-Tahoe/Suburban - a slightly differenter (yeah, differenter) Hummer (see above for rant)
-HHR/Equinox/Traverse - what the fuck are you things supposed to be. Do people use you for work trucks, are you for families or do you just drive around looking stupid?
-Cobalt/Aveo - Wow, the Aveo is an ugly, bitchy little car. Bet it gets great mpg though. Right? No, it TOPS OUT at 34mpg. Probably going downhill with a tailwind being driven by a jockey with the windows up and no a/c. Oh cool, it's only $13k to start (Nissan's superior Versa starts under $10k)
Here's something I learned in my research: The new Corvette ZR1 produces an astonishing 638hp and can top out at 190mph. That's sick!! You know what's sicker? It gets 26mpg. Why can't I get a pickup with 200 measly hp that gets better than 15? Head scratcher there.
GM's website proudly proclaims 'Choose from 83 different models!'. Who the hell needs that much choice? No wonder they're going out of business. How are you supposed to effectively market and support 83 different models? There should be about 1/4 of that number. 1 little car, 2 sedans, 1 sports car, 1 exotic, 1 tiny SUV, 1 little SUV, 1 almost big SUV, 1 van and 2 pickups. That's 11 models that cover almost every base. OK, bump it up to 13 by adding an 'everyman' sports car and maybe 1 of those stupid crossovers.
The world does not need any more damn Hummers, Tahoes or Suburbans. Take a page out of Volvo's book GM. They have like 4 models and seem to still be successful. Even the other members of the big 3 have significantly fewer models.
I feel sorry for the workers that will probably lose their jobs. This will leave many households and even communities in ruin.
The only thing I can think of that will save GM is either a huge bailout that they will never have to repay or forced nationalism through excessive tariffs on imports or some shit. Oh wait, all the imports are made in Kentucky? Guess that plan is out the window. People these days seem more proud to have a foreign car that gets better mpg than one that was made in our own country. Maybe I'm a little hypocritical as I've owned a Volvo (great car btw).
We had our own little 'state of the company' talk today. I was happy to learn that when times were good my company had the foresight to sock money away and expand in a responsible and cautious manner. Because of this we're actually positioned to swoop in and take advantage of our flailing competition. Maybe GM could have stolen a page out of good ol' Alliance Material Handling's playbook. Hooray me!
Bye.
I have no pity for GM. Let's take a look at some of their flagship vehicles shall we:
-Hummer 2 - fuck these overgrown pieces of shit, starting at $50k getting 10mpg to take little Connor to soccer practice
-Escalade - another useless overgrown gas guzzling POS. Wait, they don't cost enough to begin with, better slap some 24s on it
-Corvette - 'vettes are sick and are not meant to be everyday transportation. Corvette, you are excused
-Impala - pretty boring, average to poor mpg, expensive w/ a base price of $25k.
-Malibu - is that an Impala? I can't tell the difference
-Silverado Pickup - starts at $21k for a stripped down 2-wheel drive work truck? I paid slightly more than that for my 4wheel drive long bed w/ auto trans in a DECENT economy. You're not blowing me away by topping out at 21mpg either
-Tahoe/Suburban - a slightly differenter (yeah, differenter) Hummer (see above for rant)
-HHR/Equinox/Traverse - what the fuck are you things supposed to be. Do people use you for work trucks, are you for families or do you just drive around looking stupid?
-Cobalt/Aveo - Wow, the Aveo is an ugly, bitchy little car. Bet it gets great mpg though. Right? No, it TOPS OUT at 34mpg. Probably going downhill with a tailwind being driven by a jockey with the windows up and no a/c. Oh cool, it's only $13k to start (Nissan's superior Versa starts under $10k)
Here's something I learned in my research: The new Corvette ZR1 produces an astonishing 638hp and can top out at 190mph. That's sick!! You know what's sicker? It gets 26mpg. Why can't I get a pickup with 200 measly hp that gets better than 15? Head scratcher there.
GM's website proudly proclaims 'Choose from 83 different models!'. Who the hell needs that much choice? No wonder they're going out of business. How are you supposed to effectively market and support 83 different models? There should be about 1/4 of that number. 1 little car, 2 sedans, 1 sports car, 1 exotic, 1 tiny SUV, 1 little SUV, 1 almost big SUV, 1 van and 2 pickups. That's 11 models that cover almost every base. OK, bump it up to 13 by adding an 'everyman' sports car and maybe 1 of those stupid crossovers.
The world does not need any more damn Hummers, Tahoes or Suburbans. Take a page out of Volvo's book GM. They have like 4 models and seem to still be successful. Even the other members of the big 3 have significantly fewer models.
I feel sorry for the workers that will probably lose their jobs. This will leave many households and even communities in ruin.
The only thing I can think of that will save GM is either a huge bailout that they will never have to repay or forced nationalism through excessive tariffs on imports or some shit. Oh wait, all the imports are made in Kentucky? Guess that plan is out the window. People these days seem more proud to have a foreign car that gets better mpg than one that was made in our own country. Maybe I'm a little hypocritical as I've owned a Volvo (great car btw).
We had our own little 'state of the company' talk today. I was happy to learn that when times were good my company had the foresight to sock money away and expand in a responsible and cautious manner. Because of this we're actually positioned to swoop in and take advantage of our flailing competition. Maybe GM could have stolen a page out of good ol' Alliance Material Handling's playbook. Hooray me!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Shoot on Site
I've often envisioned driving around w/ a 50 cal mounted to the roof of my truck to wipe out butthole drivers instantly. This morning I saw a headline that made me want to institute a 'shoot on site' law for people that are just useless.
http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-general/20090303/ODD.McNuggets.911/
So you call 911 because McDonalds can't supply enough McNuggets to satisfy your fat ass? sure, McNuggets are delicious but running out of them by no means entitles you to call 911. Fucking waste of skin and resources. This person I'm sure has nothing good at all to contribute to society.
Enter - Terminator Law
Tweek and I came up with this law and swore if either of us was elected to a high enough office we would enact it. Basically it gives us the right (or duty) to drive around with roof mounted cannons and eradicate the world of morons.
From top to bottom these are the people I would target:
-Murderers
-Rapists
-Pedophiles
-Drug Dealers
-Animal Abusers
-Back yard breeders
-Amish (I'll rant about them later)
-Really fat people
-People that don't use their turn signals
-Fans of American Idol
-Soccer Moms
-People like the fat bitch in the article
-Anyone that has kids while already ON welfare
This is a list of people the world can do without.
Disclaimer: I don't really want anyone to die, it's just a rant
http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-general/20090303/ODD.McNuggets.911/
So you call 911 because McDonalds can't supply enough McNuggets to satisfy your fat ass? sure, McNuggets are delicious but running out of them by no means entitles you to call 911. Fucking waste of skin and resources. This person I'm sure has nothing good at all to contribute to society.
Enter - Terminator Law
Tweek and I came up with this law and swore if either of us was elected to a high enough office we would enact it. Basically it gives us the right (or duty) to drive around with roof mounted cannons and eradicate the world of morons.
From top to bottom these are the people I would target:
-Murderers
-Rapists
-Pedophiles
-Drug Dealers
-Animal Abusers
-Back yard breeders
-Amish (I'll rant about them later)
-Really fat people
-People that don't use their turn signals
-Fans of American Idol
-Soccer Moms
-People like the fat bitch in the article
-Anyone that has kids while already ON welfare
This is a list of people the world can do without.
Disclaimer: I don't really want anyone to die, it's just a rant
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Profound
I said some pretty profound shit this weekend and I wanted to write it down before I forgot it all.
A) 'The sky is perfect except for a sliver of moonlight'. This was said whilst sitting in a hot tub after a day of solid skiing in VT. I was told it sounded like it should be in a poem. The sky was perfect for the record.
B) 'I can better myself in almost any way with the appropriate amount of dedication with the exception of incurable disease and baldness'. This was just me bitching about people not taking enough personal responsibility. Will I follow through on this claim? Maybe. I'm starting to slowly pick away at my imperfections.
C) 'West Virginia does not have a substantial enough infrastructure to necessitate large state sales tax or to have to rely on tourism to survive'. Who the fuck talks like this? I was in a Honda driving down the road! Who was I trying to impress? There was only 3 of us in the car! This did lead to a pretty good conversation about perception. You can't sound like a dumbass all the time. The quote was born from a conversation about how VT has such low sales tax but still survives as they have limited exports.
A) 'The sky is perfect except for a sliver of moonlight'. This was said whilst sitting in a hot tub after a day of solid skiing in VT. I was told it sounded like it should be in a poem. The sky was perfect for the record.
B) 'I can better myself in almost any way with the appropriate amount of dedication with the exception of incurable disease and baldness'. This was just me bitching about people not taking enough personal responsibility. Will I follow through on this claim? Maybe. I'm starting to slowly pick away at my imperfections.
C) 'West Virginia does not have a substantial enough infrastructure to necessitate large state sales tax or to have to rely on tourism to survive'. Who the fuck talks like this? I was in a Honda driving down the road! Who was I trying to impress? There was only 3 of us in the car! This did lead to a pretty good conversation about perception. You can't sound like a dumbass all the time. The quote was born from a conversation about how VT has such low sales tax but still survives as they have limited exports.
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